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Why being ‘nice’ is fundamentally antisocial

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Despite the general expectation by society that we exhibit traits of ‘niceness’ to others in our everyday communications, being ‘nice’ is counterproductive, because it is essentially immoral and antisocial. This radical view is exposed here against the backdrop of Agamben’s concept of ‘Socialitas’, as the moral principle to act so as to advance a general sociality. This means cultivating organic relationships with others, and they are possible only where there is conflict alongside agreement. ‘Being nice’ means being distant and not sanctioning choices, actions and general behavior by others which threatens sociality and degrades the human potential in our interactions, whatever kind of interactions they might be. That is why some psychotherapists insist on inciting some degree of conflict with their interlocutors, in order to get to the deeper layer of the person’s beliefs and expedite the process of self-revelation and healing. Without conflict, with ‘niceties’ and ‘niceness’, we are heading to a disaster of the Socialitas. This is where I speak a little bit about this, completely unedited and unprepared. I do these unprepared spur-of-the-moment videos deliberately, to maintain a degree of spontaneity which professional videos with perfect prepared speech inevitably fail to grasp.

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