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The place to enter emotional relationships from

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There is something to be said for the often mentioned maxim that the way relationships start, they tend to go all the way. There are some exceptions to this rule, but the rule nevertheless holds in general. The quantum view on the relationships would tend to explain this by suggesting that the energy we exchange initially defines the framework of our relationship. The key emotions which we invest in the relationship early on, basically at the first encounter with the other person, provide the flavor and smell of that relationship to the other person, and it is difficult both for us and for the significant other to later shift that energy balance significantly. So, what is there to be done initially to make sure that the relationship starts, and consequently runs, smoothly?

Attempts to prepare oneself mentally, to rehearse certain things to say or do, or even to train oneself to feel a particular way during the first encounter with the significant other, our potential future partner, are notoriously draining and equally notoriously unsuccessful. There is something else that accounts for the way in which relationships start and run. It is the place we enter those relationship from, the place in our lives, the physical, mental, existential place which defines the relationship.

We are usually unaware of our true needs in a particular relationship, and we tend to hit and miss in our choices of partners. Psychoanalysts would say that we reflect our lack in the choices we make with partners, and thus the more rounded up we are, the closer we are to our authentic needs when we approach the relationship, the more likely it is that the relationship will start and go productively.

One way to explore the place as the launch pad for relationships is the physical space. Some men and women, who approach their new potential partners in a different city, different country or just a different physical space within the area where they ordinarily live, experience different dynamics of the relationships. The energy of a different place will reflect on the contact with the other person.

Similar experiments can be conducted with different contexts: approaching someone in a workplace context articulates one type of energy, which might be very enthusing at first, but it may as well lead to second thoughts and degrade the will to pursue the relationship subsequently, in one or in both potential partners. However, meeting someone online, on a free platform, and revealing key things about oneself, might feel liberating and productive for new encounters and might allow the free flow of energy that facilitates experimenting and the pursuit of an ‘untamable’ relationship for both participants.

Values also play important aspects of a relationship. I recently met a person who had made his choices of potential partners believing that he was attracted primarily by women of a certain physique, as most of his potential or actual partners seemed to fit the same physical paradigm. Later, however, he discovered that what primarily drove him to women was their aesthetic sensibility, so he was particularly attracted to artistic women, largely regardless of their specific physical type. Meeting someone from one field of interest carries with it a very different energy from encountering someone with incompatible interests. A person into sports will likely carry a completely different energy from a person who is into academic work or esotericism. In each case, the energy exchange will determine the nature and prospects of the relationship.

For the above reasons, perhaps the only way to influence relationships is to influence the space we use to approach another person, ranging from physical to social space. Our context is our limit, and given that our lives tend to be strictly contextualized within our work and our narrow social circles our ability to be creative and to diversify in our quest of romantic relationships is very limited. It may thus be the case that to change the experience of relationships one must first try to secure different launching positions, or staging areas, for seeking relationships, not simply because of access to different potential partners, but because of the different energy alignments which will determine the very fate of the relationships.

 

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